Consumption of alcohol:
- May make you think you are wispering when you are not.
- Is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.
- May cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
- May lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
- May leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.
- May make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
- May Make you think you posses mystical kung-fu powers.
- May cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species, and/or name you can’t remember.)
- Is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on your forehead.
- May lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.
- May lead you to believe you are invisible.
- May lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.
- May cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
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